May 25, 2020

The Best Possible Outcome – What To Do When Worries Stack Up

What is the best possible outcome?

What is the best possible thing that could happen?

We walk in hope to see the desires of our hearts come into reality, but how do we create the desires of our hearts? Is it possible to write our own destiny, our own story the way we want it to unfold? Do we always have control over what happens to us?

We all want happiness, peace, love, and feel the security that everything will be OK – always. If we’re honest with ourselves, we want control over what happens in our lives, right? But sometimes ‘real life’ brings into play a stack of worries that can feel like they arrive all at once and it’s difficult to focus on the best case scenario… but what is the source of those negative thoughts, and negative emotions? Is it a good source? No. Good can never come from bad, just as darkness can never live where there is light. So if we want light, if we want peace, love, happiness and security, we have to create positive thoughts.

Clark and I are currently working on selling our home so we can live closer to family, who happens to be on the opposite side of the country! We have loved this home, we have loved the people of Pennsylvania, but we miss family dearly. As many of you know, moving can be stressful for many reasons. If you have the tendency to overthink (like I do!), all that is involved in selling a home, preparing a home to sell, preparing to move, it can be all-consuming at times.

Recently, in my efforts to keep stable in mind, maintain positive thoughts (not just positive thinking – visualize the best possible outcome) through all of my current events, I’ve learned a secret to help clear out the clutter of worry in my mind, create space for positive thoughts to enter, and find peace, and even a sense of control!

What To Do When The Worries Stack Up

Before you do anything, first stop and allow yourself to feel your true and honest feelings. You are worthy enough to feel your honest emotions. Give yourself permission to feel it all; sad, angry, anxious, afraid, confused, etc. Remind yourself that you’re a human, and humans are built with a wide variety of emotions – all of which help us discover who we are. These feelings are intentional, they help us process and better understand our life. If we stuff them away and pretend they aren’t real, for fear of losing control or getting stuck, we actually make the situation inside us worse. What happens when a pot of boiling water never gets turned down, but instead has a lid placed on it in an effort to control the steam and heat? It boils over, and makes a mess! To save the pot from boiling over you turn down the temperature by setting the pot of water over to the side and allowing it to calm down slowly. When our emotions get intense, our body is trying to alert us to something…

  1. Stop and Listen To Yourself – what is your body trying to tell you? Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or your therapist and vent it all out. Most often when we hear our thoughts out loud and ‘unload it all’, you will almost always realize that the worries and thoughts you had been swirling around in your mind on repeat, or ‘on hold’ were not near as big a deal as you felt they were. Once you release the thoughts and feelings, your body discovers on its own that it can let those worries go. If you feel tired – rest. If you feel overwhelmed, slow down. Ask yourself again, “What is my body trying to tell me?”
  2. Only 15 minutes – I love the result of a clean home, but the steps and tasks involved in cleaning, and keeping the rooms, kitchen, bathrooms clean can be an overwhelming challenge to think about every day. So I ask myself, “how can I simplify this job?” I discovered that if I time myself and give myself permission to only work for 15 minutes and be done after that amount of time, I realize that most jobs don’t have to take very long! So take on the permission of “only 15 minutes and I’m done!” If you’re like me you’ll find that you end up doing more than you thought you could πŸ™‚
  3. Look Only Far Enough to Set Goals, but Keep in the Present – “God grant me patience, and I want it right now!” Isn’t that quote so true? We want the exciting results now, and not have to do all the work inbetween… but life is meant to be a process of learning how to evolve into better versions of ourselves. There is always an opportunity to learn, so challenge yourself to see yourself from an outside perspective. What is this challenging time in my life teaching me? In what ways am I improving?

    Don’t be so hasty as to place yourself in troubled waters. Happiness in life isn’t found in the next thing, the next event, the next move, the next place to live. It’s so important that after we set goals for our future, that we take a step back and remind ourselves of the beauty and happiness in the present moment; in the journey where we are right now, so that when we make plans for our future, because we’re focusing in the present we can better make a sound plan that will work out for our benefit. The future is an illusion, it’s imagination – life that is real, is happening right now. Focus on the now – that is where you have control. When you find yourself thinking too much and too long on your future, ask yourself, “What can I do now? In what ways can I show appreciation for all that I have now?
  4. Play Calming Music – Music is such great therapy. Every morning I tell Google to play ‘Paul Cardall Radio on Pandora’ and I write in my gratitude journal. This private moment for myself has been a great way to set my day off to a good start. I can feel the peaceful music calm my body down as I reflect on my honest emotions, which I write out in my journal, and wrap up my entry with a thought of how I can find gratitude in the challenging events and emotions that I’m feeling. What are these challenging feelings trying to teach me?
  5. Carve Out Time For Yourself – Every day needs to have FUN included. Life can’t be all about work and learning, your brain needs a break! You deserve a break! What would be fun for you? A walk outside? Play a game? Watch a favorite show? A nice bubble bath? Time focusing on a fun hobby? Make sure every day includes at least 30-60 minutes of what lights you up!

Most importantly, remember you’re not alone. So many people can empathize with what you’re going through. People are watching you, and are inspired by your ability to choose to keep moving forward. There is always someone who hasn’t yet learned what you know, so keep walking the path before them, keep shining your light that is helping to lead others through their own life challenges.

You have people who surround you who truly do care about you. Look for the little gestures in which they show they care. Sometimes our emotions can cloud our judgement, so we can easily miss the small gestures of love. Not everyone has your same heart, and not everyone shows love in the same way you do. So look for the little things.

I hope what I have shared above in this article can be of help to you. If you feel it could help someone you know, please feel free to share. πŸ™‚ πŸ’š

About the author

Becky Cooper, Certified Brain Health Coach. Often times we find ourselves in need of support in accomplishing life, health, and mindful goals. It takes a great amount of courage to recognize that you can’t do everything aloneβ€” we sometimes need someone to help us be accountable to what we truly desire to accomplish in life. Β It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child; I feel it takes a tribe to help raise each other [up].Β This is at the heart of what I do.Β πŸ’šΒ Β I have found life to be easier when I accept that I am a 'work in progress', and that's enough. While I continue to learn and progress, taking life one step at a time, I can invite others along my journey and help them too; teaching them what I have learned, and encourage them. In December of 2020 I completed the Brain Health training course directed by Dr. Daniel Amen, graduating with the official certification as an Amen Clinics Certified Brain Health Coach. This not only has helped me learn valuable solutions to help myself heal, but also help others who feel the same way as I do; others who are also in search of healing.Read More...

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Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Mental Health Monday

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