How many of us feel the kind of tired that isn’t just physical… it’s internal too.
Today I want to emphasize how valid this exhaustion is we’re feeling. It isn’t because we’re lazy, or we’re not focusing on the right things, or that we’re doing too much…
Our exhaustion roots much deeper. There is a specific grouping of systems that are in conflict, on the outside, as well as within— that is the source of our exhaustion.
A solution that can lead us through these systems in conflict is Radical Acceptance and promoting peace in the systems that surround us. This means accepting what is out of our control, and what is within our control:
“…the three things I cannot change are the past, the truth, and you.”
Author, Anne Lamott
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Hello and welcome to Be Kind Minds podcast. Be Kind Minds, for those who are new to the Kindness Tribe, our tribe is all about seeking helpful ways to heal our minds and manage the big emotions. We're a safe place for those who experience the big emotions to come together and be ourselves and take life one step at a time.
Today we're going to begin with 3 deep breaths. We're going to clear our minds and relax in to this podcast. I'll count for you as you breathe with me.
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Have you ever noticed when we unknowingly go about life, often unaware we're in a 'survival mode' mindset, how often we forget to breathe?
This can happen while we're hyperfixated on a work project, or a hobby project, or we're intently focusing on a task we've procrastinated on and we so badly want to finish it to reach the reward of being able to say, "I did it! Finally, I did it!"
Collectively, all these moments occuring back to back - when do we stop to breathe? When do we stop to notice our breath?
Today I want to highlight the topic of a family system, and how it relates to the big WHY we are feeling so burnt out.
Some of you listening to this podcast, you're in the same or very similar boat as I am. You've found yourself locked in a state of a survival mode mindset, struggling to navigate your way back to a mindset of a peaceful, easy-going-confident state of mind where you have a sense of control, but also confidence that whatever happens - you will find a way through. Some have labeled this type of mindset of life as 'Radical Acceptance'.
Radical Acceptance is when we stop fighting with reality, we stop fighting against what is happening. Instead, we choose to acknowledge what is happening in the present moment and accept it for what it is.
This might mean when we begin to adopt this view of life we feel intense sadness, a real sense of grief as we are choosing to let go of the illusion of control we thought we had or wanted to have. It might mean that we are choosing to let go of hope of a better past or a better outcome before us. But at the same time it may also mean that we feel a great sense of relief as we choose to stop the fight. We recognize that our desire for control was an unhealthy desire of wanting to be free to choose but our attempt at freedom was blocked by our inability to let go of control on our part. Now that we have bravely chosen to let go, we now have discovered we had wings that are supporting us to greater views of the world that we otherwise would have never seen had we remained afraid to let go.
This begins by taking notice of what is in front of us - what is reality, and choosing to see it as it is and not what we want or wish it was.
There is a quote I recently came across that can give us a narrative to help us practice Radical Acceptance. This quote is by Author Anne Lamott:
"...the three things I cannot change are the past, the truth, and you."
Would you agree that choosing to adopt healthier habits can feel like walking uphill; that it can be a struggle to summon up the energy to do the work, keep walking forward, because we are incredibly tired. The kind of tired that isn't just physical, it's internal as well.
I mentioned in the first podcast of mine that my focus recently has been on a therapy called Internal Family System Therapy. Part of my personal therapy work has me journaling out my thoughts. The other day I recognized a why behind the fatigue I have been experiencing in my life, and you might relate to this as well.
All of us can easily notice a conflict on the outside— because we can see it with our eyes, and we feel a conflict with our emotions. Pause with me for a moment, and imagine with me that every group of people that has been assigned to communicate with one another, and work together were a family system. There's an assigned leader, and people who follow that leader and also make a commitment to support each other as they follow that assigned leader. Now take this pattern, and begin to notice different groups around you as their own family system. You'll notice this when you're out shopping, when you go to an appointment at an office, when you go to Church, or even a friends house. When you notice the different people working within the system, what do you imagine their role in the system to be, and how well are they working together as a whole? Is there conflict? Why is there conflict?
Notice the family systems around you that have less conflict, and ponder for a moment on what is it about how they work together that helps the system have less conflict.
Now, take this perspective and imagine that within you is a very similar pattern broken down into 'parts'. Our personality, what creates our behaviors, is connected to a part that has it's own identity, it's own role or 'job' to play. It even has their own personality.
Some of our parts are protective, and what drives them to protect can be healthy (like we see real danger and we act to protect ourselves), and sometimes the drive to protect can be rooted from anxiety, we don't see the danger but we anticipate the possibilty.
In a family system, when there are parts within us, or people outside us who take on a role that isn't theres to play, and attempt to control what isn't their job to control, that produces conflict. If we have too much conflict going on within our internal family system at the same time there is conflict in systems outside of us, that can easily burn us out. We're a child seeking for peace within our family & the world around us. No wonder we're so tired.
So, in closing, I'd like to pass on to you some challenges that I am also working on myself right now, and that is adopting a renewed commitment of 'Radical Acceptance' in my life as I am gently working on inviting peace & order within my internal family system, and promote peace within the systems around me on the outside.
I'd like to close this episode's discussion with the same calming breaths that we began with, to relax into our subconcious what we discussed today, in seeking for further peace & clarity in our life. I'll count for you as you breathe with me, and be sure to continue with your breathing as you listen to the affirmations at the end.
In.1.2..3
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Please subscribe & follow weekly thoughts on emotional topics, and I thought since many of us neurodivergent minds struggle with calming our active minds, I'd end each episode with some calming music and positive affirmations to feed our mind some much needed love. If you have any ideas or suggestions for future podcasts, or topics you'd like to hear about, let me know! Please follow & subscribe, if you like what you hear, consider leaving a 5 star review, and if you feel able to support an artist, consider leaving a tip via Venmo. Thank you for your support, and please don't forget, Be Kind to your Mind.
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Affirmations
Today, we're working on Radical Acceptance. We're accepting what is in our life in the present moment, and choosing to move forward... confident in our ability to own what life presents before us.
"I let go of control and allow my life to flow forward at a natural and comfortable rhythm."
"I allow and accept all of my life into my heart."
"I embrace this life, I choose to see obstacles as opportunities to learn and grow into a greater more empowering version of myself."
"I accept life without judgement or criticism."
"I accept myself completely and unconditionally."
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